Once he picks you to be the one…

You commit to this man, and he is not who you thought he was.  He is different, and maybe he does not have all of his ish together, and maybe there was some false advertising… or maybe you had blinders on, either way-what now!  We all know the maturity of a man is around 4 years behind that of a woman, and yes we women do a lot, and that will not change.  We are very important as the other half. We have to keep our mates level headed, be the voice of reason, supportive and encouraging, even when it is most difficult. I can personally say, WD was into jerseys like heck, hanging with the fraternity, and at one point rapping, and I remember thinking, will he ever grow out of these things.  Well, we were in New Orleans two weeks ago for his fraternity convention (Kappa Conclave), however he rarely wears a jersey, and his rapping career is a thing of the past. Two out of three ain’t bad…LOL.  I can remember trying to change him back in the day…and it went over like a Too Short song during Sunday service.  The irony was while in New Orleans, I saw so many Fraternity men donning their paraphernalia with their wives at the tender ages of 60, 70 and perhaps older, and that was something beautiful to see.  While, I may not attend another until I am 50 or 60, it was nice to be present in something that is important to him.

When you agree to accept a man’s proposal, you are sure to be in for a rude awakening after the “I Dos”.  Anytime you share a space with another human you are going to have issues, it is inevitable.  The “whomp whomp” is no one is leaving -Ever.  Sounds exciting!!! You start to share finances, family, and any personal issues they or you may have.  Occasionally things in his or your past resurface (hopefully not an illegitimate child) that you will have to deal with.  Living everyday with another person’s flaws in addition to your own is tough, because now there is another pair of eyes judging your actions. When you get married you instantly need to work on having a forgiving heart.  Your mate is going to say or do something to piss you off, and you will need all the acceptance and forgiveness available to just go to bed.  You will go to bed angry…do not listen to folks that tell you that is not a good idea.  If you have to get up early, you have no choice, plus the argument from yesterday seems less extreme after a good night’s sleep. If you are like me and do not get much sleep, you can restart the argument fresh in the AM!  Ladies, you work him over until you are right and you get your way.  I am just saying…why argue otherwise!

The moral of the story is you and your mate are likely not going to ever be ready for marriage, very similar to the percentage of couples ready to start a family.  For your marriage to be perfect you both would have to match, spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, and intellectually-yeah right!!  Do you have all of these things in order? If not, when will you?  If you cannot put a hardcore date to your optimal performance on all these levels, would you pass on Mr. Right or Mrs. Right until you were? Ladies, men need us to be complete, and vice versa.  I am not saying that we have to have a man to make us happy, but, who does not want to be loved? When you are loved or loving someone, it is all over your face, your actions, and you are electric.  Almost like, the things that used to set you off do not matter anymore, and that fool at work is no longer getting on your nerves, because guess what, you have someone that loves you so nothing else matters.  We do not get all dolled up because we are bored! We are looking for Mr. Right, and we need him to see us-Dammit!!! Guys do not get shaved and dressed up to buy us drinks because we look thirsty.  We are or were in search of Mr. or Mrs. Right, and if you cannot admit that, call me! We may not always be ready for him or her, but the cool thing about finding your soulmate is you do not have to be.  All you have to do is love, and that should be the easiest thing ever when the time is right.