Who Are You?

I was inspired to share my thoughts on relationships from one of my hubby’s longtime friends, and wanted to shed some light on finding the right mate.  First ladies while it may be “old school” the man chooses you, it is in the bible, and when you think of life, it just makes sense.  Man is the provider, hunter, protector, so when he chooses his mate, these are his primary goals.  Woman is his right hand, and that means his partner in life, in making decisions, making money, and making a household.  While WD and I do not have kids, he is still in charge.  Does that mean I roll over and am silent-absolutely not, but I do know how to be submissive, because that is part of my role.  Yes, it can be difficult at times, but that is likely the most important function us strong women have to learn.

When we are single independent women, making our own money, paying our own bills and making our own decisions, it feels liberating.  In 2015 there is a record number of single moms, and divorced ladies to go around.  While the times have definitely changed, according to the “old days”, women were supposed to stay in their parents’ home until their hubby moved her into their home.  YIKES, now there is some pressure. You ladies know like I know- many of us would be 40 years old living at home-talking about I am waiting on my husband to show up- the heck you say!!  I was a fabulous independent single woman, without kids, and I was just as fly then and now. My number one rule as a single woman with no kids was I wanted a man with no kids, I was not equipped to deal with “baby mamas”. I am sure I left some wonderful men behind, none the less, that was important to me. You have to determine what is a deal breaker, and not waiver.  A laundry list of deal breakers is unrealistic (I’m just saying-be for real), many of us will expect things that we ourselves cannot offer and have a freaking attitude when a man cannot live up to our standards. News flash, we cannot live up to our standards- we all fall short at some point in our lives, and if you have not yet, keep living. If you are a “10” in all aspects of your life (very rare), looking for a “10” you best thank God daily, or run for the hills if a “10” is available.  If he or she exists, they have a non-visual tic, or something, otherwise they would be taken already.  Let’s be realistic for just a moment, if you are wearing weaves, fake nails, transferring fat, and looking for a “real” man, you may have a small problem.  Maybe a big problem, because let that man you fell in love with tell you the nice ride is temporary, or that full head of hair has a little “shoe polish” touch up…Honey- STOP.

Here is my thought, you want a man that will love you the way Jesus does (yes, I went spiritual on you) if you do not know Jesus, insert “Mom or Dad” into the space.  We all know a parent’s love is unconditional.  An example is when some murderer’s mom gets on national TV and says “my child is innocent”, even though he or she is on tape committing the crime.  That is the kind of love you want your mate to have for you.  This is how you tell, he will MAKE time for you, take that make-up off, and that weave out…and see what happens.  Your true mate by design may not look the way you expect him to look, but he may be a hell of a provider, or he may adore you.  Even better, when he makes you feel like Rihanna says, “the only girl in the world”. You have to determine what you have to offer him, whenever he does show up in your life.  When the time comes, please know that is just the beginning once you get into the relationship you will see. This is when all the hard work starts.

However, while WD and I had a past, I knew he was not ready, and getting him ready for me was not my task. He had to do that on his own.  Rightfully so, I was not ready, and it was not his responsibility to prep me for the lifelong commitment we ALL long for.  As long as we were together, I NEVER pressured WD to marry me, when I got tired, I left the scene.  He may or may not have known why, but I was not going to pressure him into something that was not organic to him.  Really, do you want a man to “have” to marry you, or to “want” to marry you- I choose the latter.