WD and I made 5 years on Friday Aug. 3rd, and we are going stronger than ever. Do we have problems- absofreakinglutely! Do we argue and disagree with some of the things the other person does- meh, not really. I am way more sarcastic than he is, and because I know that about myself- I think before I speak. I used to say to Walter, you are the one person that knows me inside and out, I should not have to sugar-coat for you-WRONG. I did not realize that I had a “forked” tongue (quoting WD), so I had to reel it in. I can honestly say that we did get some really good advice from family and friends and I never forget it, especially when times are tough. I will share the advice and tips on the next update, but basically be respectful ALWAYS; respect the person, respect the union, respect the process. We are celebrating 5 years married, 20 years (less a few) together!!! This is a definitely something to celebrate and we are all in.
What I learned in these 5 years is more profound than I could have imagined. I love talking about our journey and the adventures we are currently on. Couples Uncorked is just that, sharing. We ALL need help with love, because we are ALL human and ever-changing. There are biblical references and books to advise us on the best way to perform the role as husband or wife; but what does that look like in real life. Honestly, when we are our most vulnerable or emotional is when we need insight. We either refer to the bible, or completely forget it was ever printed when our feelings are at the forefront.
Marriage requires us to be selfless. Being selfless is easier said than done especially if you have ever been hurt, by anyone -friend, family, or foe. Jesus is and teaches us selflessness- I am still a work in selflessness progress. It requires us to think of someone else’s feelings before our own- Say What Now! I can be considerate of other’s feelings, but to put theirs above mine is NOT happening; not often anyway. If you want to know what I am speaking of, it is giving someone the shirt off your back, giving your last dollars to help someone in need, anything that will make you uncomfortable, but will help another. Hubby and I often have a conversation about giving, because he gives WAY more than I do, first of all I love my things (shirts on my back) and my money (for my shoes and my wine), so giving either of the 2 up will leave me wondering how much I like you. If you have never had this selfless feeling of giving, you suck, everybody else is doing it…(LOL). Really, help someone TODAY, you need to know what it feels like.
What I was most afraid of when we married was the commitment. I am giving you both definitions from Webster, because they both apply;
- The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc..; a pledge or undertaking
- An engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action
Marriage is exactly that commitment and selflessness; the definition has been modernized to include same sex marriages (another conversation) but you get the point. To summarize, you CAN’T do whatever the hell you want to do anymore because you made a pledge to your partner to include them in your decision making. If you are married and doing whatever the hell you want, I believe and this is my opinion- you are doing it wrong. This pledge also means that you would love them forever and sometimes, not all the time you would inconvenience yourself to see them happy and actually be okay with your decision. That “can’t” turns into a “can”, because now we have a partner to share life with and that can and does include whatever you 2 want. The secret is- it never feels like an inconvenience if the other person is happy- Hello “Selfless”- nice to meet you.
Back to what I learned in these fast 5 years. You hear people giving you advice about marriage, but it is a totally different game when you get up to the plate.
- Ease up: Because it is not my way does not mean it is wrong. If the end result is the same, the journey to get there is still an individual journey. Men and women will never think alike- that is a fact. Yes, us girls can be bossy, but now I just sit and let it go well or all the way wrong…and we deal with the consequences good or bad. Yes, it is very tough…but it is necessary to show your partner you trust their judgement /decision.
- Be present: Leave the past in the past, really, with the history WD and I have, our disagreements could be a trip down memory lane and everyone is pissed and proud…My cousin used to say “don’t be too proud to beg” contrary to TLC’s song. Pride will have your butt single. I don’t always have to be right, and if I am more right that wrong, I celebrate with a glass of wine and not gloat.
- Pray: If I am upset, I ALWAYS, ALWAYS pray before I discuss with hubby. I pray for God to help me articulate my feelings without being disrespectful and rude and that hubby receives what I am saying to help us be better after the conversation. That prayer saves us both a lot of stress- really.
- Family: drop the “in law”, treat everyone the same, I go as hard for his family as I do for mine and I expect the same. Family can be a problem, we try to keep them out of our business but in our social lives.
- Create peace, through the tough times, we maintain a peaceful household, there “ain’t no” silent treatment, ignoring or anger for days. This world is tough enough as it is, no need in being miserable in your own home, so no matter what we go through in traffic, at work, etc, we will rest peacefully at night and awake thankful in the am.
We do not get it right all the time…we all have doubts and insecurities, they usually come out in intimate relationships, but with the right spouse, you gain so much more than a partner. We motivate, encourage, and support one another consistently. I am sure Hubby will tell you I am his biggest critic and his biggest supporter, because it all comes from love, he understands- I likely said it wrong, but I meant well- hahaha.
I am very proud of us for making the 5-year milestone, and looking forward to 10, 20, and 50 years of marriage. We are not even close to perfect, but together, we make the perfect package. The commitment and selfless acts are second nature and while no one is keeping score, we both win!
Couples UnCorked 
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